I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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