I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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