It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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