The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
