thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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