just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize