its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize