Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
