i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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