I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
