I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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