she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
