totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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