Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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