Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
