I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
