is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
