the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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