I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
