9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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