i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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