My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
