Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
