Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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