you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
