DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we're making bets on your personal life
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
BRING THE BAGELS
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
