I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Randomize
