We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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