Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
