your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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