I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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