highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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