that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
