she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
