found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
