I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
