At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
