My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
