i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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