bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
