I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize