Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
