I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got inside last night via doggy door
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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