I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
