just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
