i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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