you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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