filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
