You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
