a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize