Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
