Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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