I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
