Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Im part way to drunk.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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