this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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