Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
