Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
