K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize