Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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