Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
