someone threw a dead crab at me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
