oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
