I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
