i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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