The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
