How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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